Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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