His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
