I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize