Can i not drive my cunt home
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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