i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who died my cat blue again?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
