I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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