Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
