Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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