So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
