Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
