I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
