this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
