I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
