the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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