They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
