I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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