Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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