Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
