idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
