did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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