I bet he comes in French.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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