the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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