Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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