dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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