what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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