I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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