first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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