morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
