I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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