do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
