Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he just fucked me for my cheese..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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