i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize