We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
