You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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