i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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