it hurts more in the daytime
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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