ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
