i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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