I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
