He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
