She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
