So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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