I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
