In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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