She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
