She told me I should be a condom model.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
