I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
