We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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