Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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