you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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