you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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