I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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