Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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