he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
