I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
