I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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