I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
