and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
