Im at strip club and am horny
Sry I called you an 8
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
