3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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