just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
