Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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