Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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