a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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