I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
