i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
