Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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