I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
