I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
