I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
