I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
