Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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