I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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