i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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