yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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