Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
