I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
