My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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