I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize