Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
